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spartan warrior

Does anyone remember that awesome TV show Deadliest Warrior? I used to love that show, it ran 3 seasons from 2009-2011. The show pitted warriors from different historical periods and cultures against each other in simulated battles to determine which one would be the deadliest. The show was hosted by actor and martial artist Geoff Stults and featured a team of experts, including historians, martial artists, and weapons experts.

In each episode, they would pit two of the most feared warriors in history against each other. Ninja vs. Spartan, Viking vs. Samurai,  Pirate vs. Knight… Green Berets, Gladiators, Shaolin Monks, literally all your favorites got to play.

They would take ballistic, forensic, and medical expert analysis, and use real-life weapon comparisons and testing. Then they ran a series of computer-simulated battles. The episode wrapped up with a hypothetical battle, performed by real actors and plenty of CGI based on the data analysis provided by the computer. 

Throughout the episode, martial arts and fighting experts of each discipline would give historical background, and demonstrate how the weapons and techniques were used. Of course, all while talking smack about how great their warrior was. Such a great show.

No one ran away in these battles, they were all fought to the death. Except for the Ninja. He didn’t run away during the computer simulation. But the Ninja expert stated that he would have just run away from The Spartan on the field of battle. And come back to kill him in his sleep.

When do you run away?

In August of 338 BC, a great battle took place between the Athenians and the Macedonians. Demosthenes was an infantryman at Chaeronea, as well as an Athenian orator and statesman. 

Macedonia was victorious, with 3000 Athenians killed. Demosthenes fled from the battlefield. He was later criticized for deserting the battle. To anyone who called him a coward for running away, Demosthenes simply responded, “The man who runs away may fight again.”

Spoken almost 2500 years ago, that line has evolved into the modern-day version “He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day”.

Again, when do you run away?

If some street thug with a knife is trying to steal your wallet, it may be safer to just hand it over. Hopefully, the wallet was all he wanted. But what if it wasn’t?

What about if your kids or spouse were there too? I bet your wife in high heels can’t run as fast as you, or your small kids…

I have made the joke before about if you are being chased by a bear, you only have to outrun your friend, not necessarily the bear. But that isn’t really an option on the street, especially with your loved ones unfortunately involved.

But then you also don’t necessarily have to channel your inner Spartan or Samurai either.

A quick shot of pepper spray may be all you need to painfully distract an assailant long enough to run away and shuffle your kids to the car. Or long enough to escort your wife to safety and call the police. But it would be unfortunate if you did not have any pepper spray available.

A stun gun or other self-defense option may also be helpful. Your intent should be to stick around only long enough to disable your attacker and run away to safety. You do not need to fight to the death, standing toe-to-toe like a Deadliest Warrior combatant.

But also, don’t be unprepared. All of the historical warriors had an impressive arsenal of weapons and armor. They also knew how to utilize them to their fullest capacity. You don’t need to carry a bronze shield, composite bow, or a katana sword walking down the street either. Although, I doubt anyone would mess with you if you were decked out in Spartan warrior armor and weapons. 

A personal alarm and/or pepper spray on your keychain or in your pocket, a stun gun or baton clipped to your belt. It doesn’t matter what self-defense items you choose.  Just pick your favorites and practice using them until it becomes second nature. Sadly, you won’t get a call to be an expert on a Deadliest Warrior episode. But maybe you can keep yourself off the local news as a victim of a crime.

As always, be safe and be prepared. This is Sparta!

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