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Fight of the Century: Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg
Who would win an MMA cage match, Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk? That’s an interesting question.
On paper, It is difficult to say who would win in an MMA match between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. Both men are wealthy and powerful, but they have very different backgrounds. Zuckerberg is a computer scientist and engineer, while Musk is an entrepreneur and inventor. Musk is the richest person in the world, valued at $232 billion, while Zuckerberg ranks tenth at $103 billion.
Unimportant stats aside, Zuckerberg has been training in MMA for several years, and he has won several Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) tournaments. Musk has no known formal training in MMA, but he is a former college wrestler and he is in decent physical condition.
- Size: In terms of size and strength, 39-year-old Zuckerberg is the smaller man. He is 5’7″ and weighs 140 pounds, while 51-year-old Musk is 6’2″ and weighs 190 pounds. That is a huge size difference based on standard combat sports weight classes.
- Strength: Musk should definitely have an advantage in terms of reach and strength. Unfortunately, Zuckerberg’s martial arts discipline and focus could give him an advantage in endurance and strategy.
- Martial arts experience: Zuckerberg has been training in BJJ for about a year, while Musk has at least dabbled in taekwondo, karate, judo, and jiu-jitsu, maybe some Muay Thai. (Does a billionaire “dabble” behind closed doors with martial arts masters for years, or just show up at a strip mall dojo a couple of times?) This could give Zuckerberg an advantage in ground fighting, while Musk could have an advantage in striking.
Ultimately, it would likely come down to who was able to use their strengths to their advantage and who was able to minimize their weaknesses. When the leading AI bots were polled, they all gave the advantage to Zuckerdork. When the Vegas betting odds initially came out, they also favored the Meta Boy. It’s unclear whether Musk and Zuckerberg are seriously considering the fight or just having a laugh on Twitter. Dana White seems to believe they are both serious, while Elon’s mom has chimed in that it will not happen.
Personally, I hope it does happen and further hope Musk wipes the floor with Zuckerberg in an epic Loki-style Hulk Smash. “Puny God”. There are a lot of celebrities I dislike, and Zuckerberg is high on my list. I do give him props for formally training BJJ, but that is only minorly redeeming.
When we talk about the physical ability and strength that it takes to master martial arts and combat sports, it can often seem like there is a clear hierarchy in terms of which disciplines are more effective than others. However, this is not always the case. When it comes to wrestling and BJJ, it is often a more even playing field than one might assume. While BJJ is often hailed as the more complex and multifaceted of the two disciplines, a truly skilled wrestler can be just as formidable. In fact, it is not uncommon for an intermediate BJJ practitioner to face a challenging opponent in a skilled wrestler.
So let’s ask some questions. Does Zuck’s beginner-level BBJ equal or exceed Musk’s wrestling skill? Apparently, Zuckerberg has “won” a tournament or two, but he was also choked out and tapped at another. And his training videos are not impressive.
Does this fight happen in a week? Or do they each get a 6-month or more “training camp” to brush up on skills and properly prepare for their opponent? If so, who steps up to be the boot camp trainers of Billionaires? Zuckerberg is actively training, while it appears Musk might not be current in his martial arts studies. Although it appears that Andrew Tate has thrown his name in to be on Team Musk, boasting “You will not lose.”
Does it matter? Could Zuck get an early takedown and win with a “cheesy” submission? Consequently, could Musk catch Zuck with a “lucky” Elon Smash to the jaw and knock him out at the bell? As Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
The fight could also come down to rules. Are we getting a standard current UFC bout? Does One Championship get the venue? Does this end up a “Celebrity Boxing” match? College wrestling rules? A good old fashion WWE Hell in a Cell match with folding chairs and tables? Or do we get a scripted animation, or old-school stop-motion Claymation “Celebrity Deathmatch” bout to revive MTV’s relevance? I’m assuming no weapons, but that would be interesting too. Zuckerberg used to fence, and Musk has at least wielded a samurai sword during a Tesla event.
Ok, so If it was my choice? I would say early UFC-style 1993 no-holds-barred/limited rules with Joe Rogan as the ref – “let ’em fight”. Sure, no biting, eye pokes/gouging, or groin strikes. But also, no judges, time limits, or rounds. Yes to headbutts, elbow strikes to the back of the head/neck, knees to a grounded opponent’s head, and kicks to a downed fighter’s face. No 12-6 elbow restrictions and the fight is only finished via knockout or submission, so keep your towels in the corner! Do you want a fight or not??
Either way, we may or may not ever know.
But, I want to see this go down one way or another. Make it so. Let’s go Team Musk!
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